isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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