I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
