U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
