so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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