I accidentally had phone sex last night
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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