He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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