I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
