Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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