Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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