My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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