you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI