It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!