a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.