The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go