worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
