After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
