I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
