I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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