i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
