This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize