after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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