btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
