well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
