is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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