you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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