We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
