and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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