If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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