he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
