its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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