The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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