Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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