Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We are all done wearing pants today
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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