need another drink. this is the easiest way
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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