DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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