I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
