her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
