yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
NoShamevember. You game?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
