Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
