Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ttyl tear gas
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
