if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
