Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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