Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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