So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it because I queefed?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
