My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
