I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
