i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
