hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize