6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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