dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
