I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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