White coat. Heels.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
