oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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