I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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