Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
