Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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