I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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