I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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