clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
