I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
