The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
