Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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