No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize