You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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